Lists of Useful Tips

My sister sent around one of those "lists of useful tips" the other day:

1. Good-bye Love Bug goo on windshield: Use a wet dryer sheet to "soap up" the windshield, then rinse off bugs with ease using garden hose.

2. Cupcake papers for gifting cookies: Love to bake and give cookies as a gift? To make the presentation more decorative inside your tin or box, use the cupcake paper liners to stack your cookies in. They stack about three high and keep cookies from slipping and chipping, plus, they are a "serving" to each who dips into the treats.

3. Shortning trick: Crack an egg into a measuring cup when baking, this lines the cup with a slippery glaze. Then put your shortning in the cup and it won't stick!

4. Golf sandwiches: Have old bread, rolls, bits of cheese, deli meats in your frig and hungry kids? Make Golf Sandwiches, invented by Aunt Alice. Lay breads and open faced rolls on a cookie sheet, heat broiler. Melt butter in microwave and brush onto bread/rolls and broil for a quick minute, but not all the way. Then put a layer of ham, salami, pepperoni, bacon, roastbeef, on the breads assorted, and then assorted cheeses, including parmesean or shredded mozzerella.......grill for up to two minutes. Remove "open-faced" sandwiches and serve with chips, pickles, mustard on the side. (One pc of bread saves calories. Also terrific without butter)

5. Panty Hose Pullup: We don't wear them as often, but they still need to feel great when we do. When first putting them on, or after using the restroom, pantyhose don't "feel" all the way up, but picking at them with finger nails can pull and possibly run them. Simply dampen your hands (after washing hands in restroom, they will be), and slide your hands from ankles to upper thigh, and voila, they are up and snug, feeling great!!

6. Want to be faster on the phone and more polite too? When you call someone, ask them if they have "just a few moments" to talk. This lets them know you are calling for quick business, not a lenghty chat. and gives them the opportunity to say yes, no or reschedule. For your benefit, it leaves you open to say that YOU just have a minute, and then when you gotta go, you go. They also won't launch into the long story of the week.....

Now, I mean, other than maybe the first one, is there anything on that list YOU can use? Pantyhose. Cupcake papers for "gifting" cookies? Who does that?

Here was the counter-list I sent back:

-- Use WD40 to remove grease spots and oil stains from your garage floor -- just spray, let sit for a minute, then blot with a paper towel.

-- When changing the oil in your car, use the pizza box from last-night's supper to prevent oil spills. Tear the lid off the box and place a piece of unfolded newspaper on the open box -- the edges of the paper should extend beyond the sides of the box. Set the oil drain pan on the newspaper, and the weight of the pan will push the paper down while the sides of the box will bell up the edges of the paper, creating kind of a newspaper bowl -- that way if any oil misses the pan, it will be contained, instead of running off the edges of the paper.

-- Even if your shotgun is chambered for them, three-and-a-half inch magnum shells kick like a mule, don't put that much more shot on the target, and have a tendency to hang up in the receiver when you cycle the action for a second shot. The three-inch mags are more than ample for taking down a bird at under 40 yards, they pop out of the ejector slot vigorously, and they produce less recoil.

-- Never schedule meetings for longer than they have to be -- work and discussion tend to expand to fill the time allotted. Thirty minutes is normally ample. Fifteen minutes is better.

-- The best time to take your lawnmower in to be serviced and have the blade sharpened is the dead of winter -- you don't need it then, and no one else is doing it. If you wait until mowing season starts, it will be three weeks before you get it back.

-- Always carry a pocketknife. Always.

-- When restringing your guitar or bass, try to get at least three to four turns of the new string on the tuning peg -- this will improve tension across the nut, reduce slippage, and enhance playability and intonation. Also, be careful not to twist any of the new strings as you install them, as this will inhibit their ability to vibrate properly, making them sound dead.

-- When seeding and fertilizing your lawn, cut the feed rate of the spreader in half and go over the whole thing twice -- first in one direction, and then perpendicular. It will take longer but you'll get more even dispersal, meaning a greener, thicker lawn.

-- Boxers or briefs? You decide. I don't care and I don't want to know.

-- If one of your wife's friends calls, and she's not there, let the answering machine get it. Otherwise, the caller will want to fill YOU in on all the details, chewing your ear for 15 minutes and expecting you to give your wife a full report when, in fact, you're going to condense the message down to "call Claire" anyway.

Much better, I think.