Allied forces freed three peace activists held hostage by terrorists for months in Iraq, Reuters reports.
The two Canadians and one Briton immediately released the following statement:
"We totally get it now -- the people who held us can't be reasoned with. We believed it was possible, right up to the moment we watched helplessly as they tortured and then murdered our friend, Tom Fox.
"We still believe in peace and justice, and will always attempt to pursue those ideals first. But we now understand that some people deliberately choose to ally themselves with evil, and that the only way that evil can be stopped is through confrontation.
"So we are grateful to the British, American and Iraqi soldiers who decided to confront evil today and rescue us, at personal risk to themselves.
"And if we could ask just one more favor of them it would be that they loan us a couple M4 rifles, so we can go back and deal with those who held us hostage and murdered our friend.
"We must stop them before they hurt anyone else."
Okay, I totally made that up.