Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Wreck of the Patrick Fitzgerald

Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed lawyers for White House aide Karl Rove that he will file no charges against Rove in the Valerie Plame leak episode, Reuters reports.

Not that he didn't try to find a way, mind you -- Rove has appeared before grand juries in the affair five times over the last three years.

And so the investigation fizzles and the forecasts and assumptions of guilt by key Democrats evaporate.

"You can only imagine my disappointment," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, as he jammed 10- and 20-dollar bills from a lobbyist into his pocket with his left hand while signing his latest denunciation of Republicans for doing the same with his right. "I don't know how we're gonna win the fall elections if we can't come up with any more baseless accusations to throw around."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was unavailable for comment, attending a candlelight memorial service for slain Al Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. She's called for a congressional investigation into the terrorist's killing by Allied forces last week.

"Really, no idictment? I'll be darned!" said DNC Chairman Howard Dean. "I'm just a big, fat braying ass anyway -- why anyone listens to me is beyond even my own psychotic comprehension."

Okay, I made up everything after the third paragraph.

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